The Secret to Being Content When the Answer is “Maybe”

I’m thankful God is patient and kind and longsuffering because I’m pretty sure if He wasn’t, He’d get tired of my prayer cycle.

I know it’s a cycle and it’s about a month to 38 days in length and it starts with me praying that I’ll get pregnant again, followed by sorrow that I’m not, followed by frustration that I ever hoped I would be, and ending with some kind of statement like, “Lord, if you’d just tell me yes or no—I’ll be fine with either! Just please, tell me so I don’t have to wonder anymore.”

Recently, after another round of sadness that we won’t be celebrating another baby in our home, another early miscarriage that broke my heart again, I had a few minutes on my own to just talk to God about it all and I said something that stopped me in my tracks.

“I’m just so tired of maybes, Lord.”

Maybe another baby. Maybe not.

Maybe yes. Maybe no.

Endless wondering.

I’ve recognized this tendency in myself before—but it crystalized in my mind again. I don’t like living in the in-between.